Monkey Empire Multiplex Movie Mania

I THINK I LOVE YOU CHARLIE BROWN
Jon (Tom Hanks) and Elaine (Meg Ryan) are childhood sweethearts who's lives diverge when she gets sent to military school by her alcoholic ex-serviceman father who's home security business is on the brink after a run in with Jons attorney step-mother. 25 years later Elaine discovers from Friends Reunited that Jon is planning on bringing his musical stage-show based on Charles Schultz Peanuts cartoons to town, but Elaine's father is now the owner of the theatre and he bears a grudge. Will the show, and love prevail?

What's right with it?
Tom Hanks has been practicing playing roles like this for the last 20 years, and as a result is quite good at it. I'm sure if I spent 20 years playing chopsticks on the piano (with a brief interlude trying my hand at Beethoven) I'd be pretty damn good at it too, maybe even the best godamn chopsticks player in the world. If there was a chopsticks award I reckon I'd be in with a shout, it could be like a gold statue or something of a man holding chinese food. I'd win that then I'd become the mayor of London, I'd dig up all the gold off the streets and replace the lions in Trafalgar Square with statues of Dick Wittingtons cat.

What's wrong with it?
The bodycount is even lower than in "You've Got Mail". And instead of sex scenes it's got those kissy moments that make middle aged women smile, yet despite playing to this market it then goes and alienates it's target audience with a 7 minute sequence in which a screaming wooden golem throws shrunken heads and jelly down a liftshaft.

BOOTS THE MONKEY
Charming animated adventure featuring Dora The Explorer's wellington shod sidekick Boots the Monkey. After Swiper the Fox helps himself to Rosita's tequila pie Boots enlists the help of a soccer playing jaffa cake and frog to recover the pastry in time for Dora's birthday party.

What's right with it?
A joint project between Pixar and the bloke who animated Mr Benn never has so much been achieved with so few frames.

What's wrong with it?
Blatantly intended as a vehicle for Dora, who was jailed weeks before shooting began Boots demonstrates why he is only a sidekick.

WINSTON
Benjamin "Andre 3000" Andre and Peter Andre star as Winston Churchill, the king of England as he attempts to defeat Adolf Hitler in the no holds barred WW2 deathmatch tournament.

What's right with it?
No other film in the history of Hollywood has ever featured such historically accurate montages, you'll not have seen montage work like this since Rocky IV, maybe even Rocky III. You know the bit where it all goes in slow motion and Sly Stallone gets punched in the face by BA Baracus and all his manspit and blood flies out while the girl with the round card walks semi translucently and you see Pauly yelling from the turnbuckle? The montages in Winston are even better than that. Seriously I love a good montage and I've got to tell you these ones made my trousers get a little tight. I can't wait for the DVD.

What's wrong with it?
There are a couple of bits that aren't filmed as montages, during these parts I took the opportunity to eat a bowl of hats.