A Beginners Guide To Dr Who
Yes that's right, Dr Who has once again claimed it's magical crown and is back on it's rightful Saturday evening throne, frightening grandparents and making children interested in physics.
Some of you though don't seem to have the slightest clue what it's about, you claim never to have heard of Davros, "oooh is he a bit like the master" you coo when we try to explain. No you shit he is not. No wonder you spend more on hairspray than you do on pasta you've not been given the right start in life.
So here at Monkey Empire we thought we'd help you catch up so that you can join in conversations about tv shows that aren't Eastenders.
Dr Who, or "The Doctor" is a timelord. This means that he has been given a special blue box that's bigger on the inside than the outside called the TARDIS, which is a catchy acronym for Talk About Really Done In Space. This is what it does, or does in, space.
A Doctor
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Anyway, The Doctor likes adventure and has a taste for kidnapping. He'll often abduct a human and take them off for adventures where they help him to defeat monsters. This often happens when a person traverses time in a non-linear manner, they begin to identify with their kidnapper. It's like Pan-Dimensional Stockholm Syndrome. |
His current abductee is Chris Evans ex Billie, she's from the east end and no doubt en-route to Albert Square but first she has to meet a few of auntie beebs top villains (apparently this will make Ian Beale less shocking), which include Daleks, Cybermen and Sir Alan Sugar.
Dr Who was axed in 1990, the official reason was that it failed to make inroads into the burgeoning acid house scene but it's suspected by TV historians that the real reason might have been that a clumsy youth on work experience in the props department misplaced the TARDIS. |
A TARDIS yesterday.
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When The Doctor snuffs it he gets a new face, so far there have been 63 different doctors, although only one of them has been played by anyone with a connection to the medical profession. This unique situation arose in a groundbreaking crossover episode in 1921 when vet James Herriot got sucked into a cows arse and popped up in the TARDIS ready to fight Daleks and chew bubblegum.
That thing the Doctor always points at stuff is the Sonic Screwdriver. If you know where I can get one send me an e-mail. Ta.
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"Rice Pudding? In July? "
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